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Banned five finger death punch videos how to#
Banned five finger death punch videos plus#

Disappearing for several days right before a tour is perfectly normal behavior, so the dude is probably straight edge.Bathory has since taken to social media to share a nonsensical response, which I assume he either dictated to a toddler or typed while having a stroke. I have no idea if Zoltan drinks or does drugs. It was a surprisingly sensible decision to include it on the flyer, and I bet it eliminates at least ten to a hundred percent of all students at the Hollywood branch of the Musicians Institute. I actually have nothing funny to say about this. Also, why the heads up about the key in which the music is played? I’m not a bass player, so someone explain it to me - is it way harder to play in B than most other keys?

Banned five finger death punch videos how to#

So you absolutely cannot be over the age of 35, taller than six feet, overweight, or look like maybe you actually know how to dress yourself, but if you can’t actually play the five string bass, that’s cool.

Banned five finger death punch videos plus#

5 string bass ability a plus (music is mostly played in B).

Never mind.ĪNYWAY, I think this one begs the same question as the part about being under 35… if it doesn’t apply to the rest of the band, why should it apply to the new dude? Harmony’s what? Ohhh, they mean “harmonies.” Okay.

some vocal ability preferred (screams + harmony’s).

OH MY GOD, I JUST REALIZED I AM ONE SUPER CUTS VISIT AWAY FROM BEING ELIGIBLE TO BE THE NEW BASS PLAYER FOR FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!!! In any case, it feels good to know that they’ll take a short slim guy with no tattoos over a tall fatty covered in ink. The people who read this flyer are gonna be applying to work for Five Finger Death Punch, not NASA, so I guess they don’t have to be smart-ish. I think they mean “Tattoos are a plus,” but whatever. That means “tattoo is a plus.” As in, a single tattoo. So this is another image thing, right? Like, this new guy can’t make the other dudes look too short or something? ‘Cause the lead singer would never be able to squat in the foreground - the framing would be all fucked-up. Okay, why the fucking fuck does it matter how tall the person is? I imagine it’s harder for a tall dude to fit comfortably on a bus or van, but I also imagine that, somehow, tall people have persevered through the years. WE CAN’T ALL LOOK AS GOOD AS VINNIE PAUL, Y’KNOW!

‘Cause some of metal’s most famous musicians aren’t exactly in great shape. Which means “no fatties.” I’d be curious to know what qualifies as “athletic,” though. But that person deserves a slice of cheese, like, fer sure. Something else I don’t know: who decided which words on this flyer should be capitalized and which ones shouldn’t. The band’s guitar play, Jason Hook, is actually 40, so I don’t know why he’s allowed to be older than 35 but no one else is. (I’m also smart enough to know that, worst case scenario, you can always take someone shopping for new clothes and hire a blind person to do their hair.) Is it way easier to find someone who can play five string bass in Hollywood than it is to find someone who looks like an extra from a Korn video? Because Vince and I were just in Hollywood and, believe you me, that town has no shortage of potential extras for Korn videos. But I’m also not jaded enough to ignore the fact that the band chose to put this requirement first, and put it TWICE - because both requirements are really just the same thing said in two slightly different ways. Obviously, image is important to an extent. (Absolutely no exceptions!)Īlright, so I’m not so naive as to say that how someone looks should have no place in music.

Your image MUST be compatible with the band.

Let’s break them down one by one, shall we?

Anyway, some of these requirements are pretty funny.